Monday, May 23, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
(Disclaimer: If you do not like satirical, dry, or otherwise slightly offensive humor DO NOT READ! This is meant purely for purposes of humor, nothing less, nothing more.)
That's right folks! St. Theresa is about to be joined by a whole lotta believers! Can you say partaay?! I'm sure no one likes to be getting their rapture on alone...but not to worry, this once in a life-time event is upon us! Now for such an occasion many of you may be wondering "What should I be doing over the next 24 hours to prepare for this glorious event?" Well I have prepared a list for you so that you can spend the next day taking care of and doing what's most important.
1. Don't Do Anything That Will Ruin Your Chances of Ascension! - Please don't mock" The Believers" and for Pete's Sake, don't sin! In fact, you better take you sinful butt down to Church right now, and get a Confession! Bringing the Priest milk and cookies might better your chances as well...
2. Have Sex! And Lots of It!- Of course, only if you enjoy the sanctity of marriage, if not refer to #1. But seriously folks you better take the day off of work and get some nookie now, who knows if you can get it in the after-life. I mean the last time humans and angels copulated we got the Nephalim and as Borat would say that "Was Notta So Good!" So, I'm pretty sure there's going to be a hands off policy.
3.Go Shopping!- Hell yeah! Run up those credit cards! Get what you want! The only things that will be left over after the Rapture are sinners and looting, so the credit card companies are going to be screwed anyway. Hey just call me and we'll go on a shopping spree, I just got a 30% off coupon in the mail for Kohl's, more savings = more things you won't be able to take to the Pearly Gates, but hey you've only got one day to get that mixer you've always wanted.
4. Pack For The Rapture!- Essentials include but are not limited to, portable harp, baby-wipes, hand-sanitizer (You better not clasp the hand of St. Peter with dirty fingers!) lavender-filled neck pillow (it might be a long trip), toothbrush, your ENTIRE collection of True Blood ( Blue-Ray preferred), and of course as mommy always told you, clean undies. I will also be bringing my kitty cat with, cause I just think she'll look super cute with angel wings!
5. Make Amends- Yes, I know your b*tch Trigonometry teacher gave you a "C", but this is no time to be slamming that cool glass of Hater-Aid, or taking a ride on the Ele-hater for that matter. No, you're gonna have to suck it up on this one or else be left here on this retched planet with her! You've spent that last semester dealing with her crap, you certainly don't want to spend the rest of eternity with her now do you? Send her some flowers or something with that credit card you won't be paying on and get extra eternity points!
6. Ladies, Put On Some Make-up and Get Yur Hair Did!- You've already seen the effects on your husband when he comes home from a hard day at work and you're still hanging out in that horrible fuzzy-teal robe your mother in law got you for Christmas. Mmmhmmm. Girl, you need to freshen up! It's not everyday that the real bridegroom comes to claim his wife, so get those highlights done and your nails pedicured up. After you're done refer to number 2 on the list, then number 1 (if you're living in sin), and then re-freshen up by lighting the oil lamps, applying a little lip gloss and spritzing on a little Eau De Salvation. Now you're ready for the rapture and never looked better!
7. Burn all your Sh*t!- You don't want those sinners looting your stuff post-rapture and getting all your goodies. No, they deserve the pits of hell, not Gramma's bone china. About 5:00 pm (because we all know the rapture starts promptly at 6:00) start a bonfire and start dancing! Or on second thought, don't! We don't want to be mistaken for those icky pagans dancing around praising Satan and such. Better to go back inside and start counting up your salvations points, just in case you need to quick run back to Church and see the Priest again.
8. Say Thank You! - I better not see you at the Pearly Gates acting like you belong their O.K. ! Humilty is key here. Make sure you say please and thank you, and if you want to go the extra mile take some soot from you bonfire and smear it all over...not you of course ladies, you don't want to mess up your hair, we can leave the dirty work for the men.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
There is a man whom I've never formally met. This man, who lives thousands of miles away from me, whom I've never even spoke to on the phone has cystic fibrosis. It is a disease that causes mucus to build up in the lungs and digestive track. It's very serious and often leads to early death.
A few years ago, my little brother passed away. He was only fifteen and suffered a sudden brain aneurysm. It was a terrible and unexpected tragedy, but it was through this tragedy that I came to know Kenneth. Kenneth is a recipient of my brother's lungs. As I said, I have never personally met him. My mother has. In fact she has remained relatively close to him and his wife over the past few years, as they lived in the same state. Kenneth was the only recipient who ever contacted my mother. He even took the opportunity to visit her after she moved away from Michigan and was living by herself in Georgia for awhile, trying to heal. Those two things alone made it quite apparent that Kenneth appreciates every moment he is given and wishes to give back in return. To see a person reach out to a woman whom he has never known or never met where it is the trend to stay away, is the type of person I would want to be if such tragedy ever befell me. To go beyond the self to help the life of another, is one of the most profound mystical values that I hold dear. And as far as leading that type of life, although not a Rosicrucian, or most likely a mystic in anyway...Kenneth inspires me.
A few weeks ago, Kenneth's body started to reject the transplant and they placed him on a new donor list.
A few days ago, only after a few short weeks of waiting, they took him off the donor list and decided to transfer him to hospice.
I have never met Kenneth...only spoken to him via Facebook, but one thing I absolutely know is that he has a wonderful soul.
He is as kind as his soul is wonderful. He loves life. He likes awesome dorky stuff like old He-Man cartoons, Cannibal the Musical, Jeeves and Wooster, Lord of the Rings, and Monty Python. He enjoys photography and film-making.
Sometimes, I get the feeling that some things should be left alone. This is not one of those times. Something inside me is speaking, pleading, begging me to do something. Something is telling me that even if it is just the act of giving energy to man whom I have never met, that energy, those thoughts, that love which can be felt and shared from one human being to another is extensively needed. Until further notice of change in the situation I will be preforming a continuous vigil. When my mind is not on other tasks I will place it into prayer. When I am not preforming other duties I will be working consistently with the One. I am writing this because I see no point in having a blog... having a voice, and not using it for the good of others. Everyone of us as mystics has a voice and we have honed it to be powerful. We have and are continuously honing it to speak the Word, the listen to the Word, and to bring the Will of the Word into existence....to share its essence.
Many of you in the community joined me in healing rights for the Earthquake/Tsunami in Japan, as well for the healing of Haiti. It touched me deeply to see the community so bonded in healing. And although part of me feels a little imposing asking this, my soul cries out to say, will you join me in sending Healing, Love, and Light to Kenneth Staunton and his family? For a few minutes a day could I ask of those of you who read my blog to do a special prayer, ritual, or devotion for this man who has lead such an inspiring life? In return I will be hosting a special healing list every month. I will open it up to requests from blogs, facebook, twitter, e-mail etc. If you have a name to be added I will place it on the list and every month preform a special rite. I will keep you updated on any new that comes my way concerning this situation.
Nosce Te Ipsum,