Friday, May 29, 2009

The Material Drug

I have been through personal alchemy that is, have had parts of my being changed from its lower aspects to a higher nature, numerous times since beginning the Great Work; enough to understand the established pattern that I experience each time...alas another round has me in its grasp. Although the end result is usually in a category different from what I think I need to work on, this time I think I may have caught onto to the nature of the change. It seems as if I am becoming thouroughly dissolutioned from the world, either lacking interest in or becoming angry with material nature. I haven't lost interest in all things, instead I am seeing it for what it is worth for the first time, a place to nourish the body and senses and far as it can serve the Lord of the Universe ( I use this moniker to note that I believe in one God/Goddess that is the creator of the underlying nature of all things, not a religious affiliation). To put more stock in it than that is to heap upon oneself all kinds of pain and misery, pain and misery that I have witnessed time and time again. Truly, we all allow ourselves to become addicted to these things, and thus the material rules them, and not the other way around.

This may seem to be a very remedial topic in spiritual matters but when your consciousness begins to change towards that actual state rather than an intellectual understanding, the depth of the knowledge is striking, almost as if you are living in a new world. But, what am I learning from this? What can I share?

Primarily I am seeing what the great Buddha taught, that the material is needed, but not to excess. However, on a more subtle note, excess is different for each person depending on thier level of attachment to the physical world. Instead of saying, "Today I had this icecream so tomorrow I will refrain from sweets" a more beneficial way to the spiritu spiritual would be to analyze one's attachment to it at that moment. How much does you desire to simply have a few moments of pleasure (which I believe there is nothing wrong with), and how much do you desire it because you are attached to the experience of it, need it to fill an emotional need, or are letting a craving run wild? I don't believe the experience of pleasure is an anithesis to the spirit, but in one instance there is control, you decide when you've had enough, you are unattached to it. In the other you are letting something else, something lower control you. This goes beyond dieting and self-control, and instead looks at things in the material world in its proper place, as a tool for one's spiritual growth, and to properly experience the gifts that God has bestowed upon us.

Secondly I have learned that mostly we are not even aware of the hold the material has on us. For example, the other day I was taking a tour of an eating disorder clinic and examining thier meditation program. I had studied eating disorders duing my undergrad but had never been face to face with anyone who severly suffered from disorders such as anorexia. I was utterly stunned by the state some of these women were in, and I left contemplating the issues of body image and materialism in our culture. ( another experience to add to my alchemy) Over the next week, I started noticing each time I looked at a reflection of myself. It was very scary at first, as if I had the knowledge a thief was following me. Over and over again on impulse I would find myself looking in the mirror, the reflection in a window, and each time, judging myself. I realized for the first time that I literally do this at least 50 times a day, every time I use the restroom, everytime I look to check my form at the gym, everytime,I pass a car window...It saddened me to realize that I focus so much on something so trivial, and saddened me even more to realize what a deeply ingrained habit it was. I then started thinking about how women put down thier bodies to each other while speaking as if it was a topic to bond them together ( one reason I am not drawn to hanging out with women).

Thus, this situation along with many has begun to add to a further dissolutionment with the physical realm, the realm that seems to betray. It promises so much only to turn around and rip the rug out from underneath you. Am I being bitter or jaded? Amazingly no, I just feel the change coming, that state of not being so easily swayed by the material. I am sure this will not happen quickly, but I am hoping that if I put my effort into it, I will speed up the process so that I may turn all of that wandering attention back to the Lord. I have to admit though that I am experiencing a deep inner sadness, and I wonder if it can be likened to the state in The Dark Night of the Soul, where the Lord is weaning the child from its breast so that it may learn to walk on its on two spiritual feet, not needing to be goaded along by feelings of bliss at every turn.

So what does it take to break free of this attachment? I don't believe its a retraining of ones thoughts, I believe instead it is being spiritually ready...not that I would say that I would know that I am ready, that is for the Lord to decide. But, after much thought, I believe that one can only detatch themselves from the material, by doing spiritual work. Thus a person tills the soil and fertilizes it so that it may be ready for the Lord to bestow the difficult but worthwhile transition.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Magical Grimoires and Relationships With Angels

I apologize to my readers... it's been awhile since I've posted. I've been working on a magical Grimoire which has been taking up a great deal of my time. I can already tell that its going to be a powerful magical tool, and am excited about finishing it. Alas, until then my blogs may be sporadic and short.

For those of you who have not made one, I suggest doing so at some point in your magical life-time. It is of course important to understand that a Grimoire is not just a book of your works, but a living extension of yourself, a doorway that can immediately connect you to another world. It is not a magical diary. For example, I am making a Grimoire for a specific set of angels. When I am finished I will purify and consecrate it and then put it through specific rituals to make it a talisman so that I can immediately connect with the beings that I have been forming a relationship with.

On this point, one should not merely make a book containing the sigils, images, properties etc. of particular beings without having first formed a relationship with them. Or if one has he should then with the book in hand contact the beings so that it may put its energy within the pages of the book that it corresponds to it. The purpose here being that we should work with all benevolent energies in a respectful manner. It is easier and more beneficial to both you and the entity to have a close bond. Also remember the more purified the energy the more respectful one should be as that energy is closer to the True Divine. Not, only are we speaking of contacting entities which are of a Divine nature, but on a more practical level, can we expect to get a great amount of help from a being whom we've treated badly? Also remember lauding ones power over any being is merely a reflection of a puffed-up ego, and the less purified one is, (especially in this area) the less effective their magic or connection will be. Instead let us be mindful to express the true nature of ourselves, invoking the Higher so that we may tap into and use these energies effectively.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Doctrine of Truth

This week I picked up Of The Imitation of Christ by Thomas Kempis. If you have not read this I deeply urge you to do so, no matter what belief system you hail from. It is a breathtaking discourse on the movement of the spirit towards perfection. I'd like to share a few paragraphs from the third chapter "Doctrine of Truth". I believe at times, those of us who are drawn to more intellectual pursuits (such as myself) must be reminded that the fruit of the Great Work does not come in intellectual gifts and understandings, but in the quality of people we become in studying and doing the work. The knowledge that we gain should act as a bridge to us gaining the fruits of the spirit; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, longsuffering, and self-control. I also like to add in, non-attachment, concentration in meditation and magic, intuition, self-knowledge, and discernment. These qualities, not knowledge act as a litmus test to show us our connection with the Spirit.

Having knowledge and learning secrets is like candy, it tastes good, it feeds us, but it only nourishes one aspect of the self and can leave us nutritionally empty if not balanced with other forms of nourishment namely, humility, self-sacrifice, devotion, magic, alms-giving, prayer, meditation, right action, and right thinking. Thus, we may falsley surmise that we are growing in the Work by collecting a multitude of intellectual knowledge and by teaching it, or by gathering new techniques through ritual, we may even be using this knowledge to help others but, if we are empty or only partially full of all things but the intellect how far will that knowledge reach? How deep will it go?

The Adept who is full of the spirit, but weak in intellectual pursuits will touch the soul of another on far deeper levels just by being near them. Like the sweet scent of an orange coming from a ripe fruit, the essence of Truth will flow from him to the student directly. He will teach in deed and demeanor and by the essence of the Spirit that is exuded from him. On the other hand, a person who is well read, knows all his correspodences, writes thesis after thesis yet is dry in the spirit will not connect, and will even heap upon himself critisim as his inner state will not match that of the knowledge he has attained. The former will teach directly from the state of knowledge of the Divine, the latter will teach from the state of the imperfect intellect of man. Whose students will bear more fruit? Whose magic will be more effective? Who will be making greater and more powerful changes in life? Who will heal the sick with a touch? Thus, I leave you with these words from Thomas Kempis

"Blessed is the man whom thou...teachest...out of thy law" (Psalm 94:12), not by figures and words that pass away, but as it is in iteself...He to whom all things are one, and sees all things in one can be steadfast in heart, and peaceably repose in God...The more a man is at one within himself, and becomes single in heart, so much more the higher things does he understand without labor...Who has a harder struggle than he who labors to conquer himself? This ought to be our endevor to conquer ourselves, and daily to wax stronger than ourselves, and to make some progress for good...A humble knowledge of self is a surer way to God than a deep search for learning. Yet knowledge is not to be blamed, for knowledge is good; but a good conscious and a virtuous life are always to be preferred before it. But, many endevor rather to know than to live well, therefore they are often decieved...Truly when the day has come we shall not be examined by what we read, but by what we have done; not how well we have spoken but how we have lived"

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


Recently I have been experiencing a bit of sadness. At first I thought it to be merely transitory, but after about two weeks it hasn't quite subsided. Although it pains me to be in this state I have been enjoying it as it has been teaching me a great deal about some personal issues. Last night I tried to pinpoint the reason behind this feeling. The only thing that remotely sang to me was a deep disappointment in someone I have viewed as my mentor. I myself believe and have taught my students that although we may admire someone and learn from them, we must remember that each mentor is a human, and has human failings. Although, of late, this view has not served in helping me to be more understanding. However, because of this I picked up the book "On the Imitation of Christ" by Thomas Kempis and was grateful to learn a much deeper lesson concerning the judgement of others. In the second chapter it states...

"If you should see another openly sin or commit some heinous offense, you ought not to esteem yourself the better; for you know not how long you should remain in good standing. All of us are frail, but you ought not think anyone more frail than yourself"

I feel ashamed to admit that so late in life did I realize the reason behind the wrongdoing of judging another. It is not merely because it is the Lord's place alone to make such decrees, but it is an inflation of the ego, of pride. Many a Saint hath said that this one sin is the mother of all sins. We are placing our self in a higher position than another so that we may judge him. One could even say that in essence we try to make ourselves as God when we judge another, since this is His role alone. Is this not how we came to further ourselves from Him in the first place; our feeble attempt to have the knowledge and power that he does?

"Vanity of vanities....all is vanity!" We may think often about our attachment to material things, but what of our attachment to things we think are holy but are not? If the action or thought is not bringing us one step closer to the Lord, than it is vanity, and is only there to inflate our sense of self. The true meaning of sin is not a wrongdoing, but instead means to "miss the mark", thus anything we do that does not bring us closer to God and true happiness is sin. We may justify our negative feelings towards another as a lesson learned for our self, and it may be, surely we should learn from the mistakes of others. But pride acts as a wolf in sheep's clothing letting us dwell on the feeling for too long until we become angry and let someone else's failings turn us away from the Light. Many even turn against thier vows that they made to thier mighty and secret soul's under the guise of another's sins...but it is not them who hath turned us away, it was our own vanity.

So, I leave you with this...think not about what another man does, but about what you do or do not do for the Lord. Let your Light be so bright that it thus brings forth the multitudes to serve Him out of inspiration. And seek not to be given credit for this as all is only possible in God.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Magic's Beauty

Magic never ceases to amaze me. Whenever I need it most it always ups the ante to comfort me in some way. When I begin to feel the "dry work" upon me or I have been under an incredible amount of stress, at my lowest point something amazing always happens as if God is right there whispering "Don't worry, I haven't left you". The path of the Golden Dawn has changed me in a variety of ways, but the real gift it has given me is the ability to hear and understand God.

Very frequently, we hear people spout out little euphemisms that allude to being able to hear God in the "little things", or "unusual circumstances", or in the "eyes of children" etc. All of which are very true, God is within everything, and is everywhere. But, what magic provides is the opportunity to know for sure what God is telling us, to knock at the door, to know its been answered, and to say "Hey I really need you right now!" and to be able to have a real discussion with the Creator. After you have learned the techniques of magic, it is a farce to believe that your relationship has to be one-sided, or that you have to play an eternal "guessing game" to know what's right for your life.

The energy going around the Golden Dawn community has been weighing heavily on me recently. I've tried to sluff it off but dammit! I really love this path, and it hurts me to see it being ruined by selfish people. So, last night I did some healing magic. I really needed to re-center myself in the Divine and in the Truth so that I could start to function properly in the real world. I rose on the planes and let my consciousness transfer itself into the Kether Sphere. I have always had a significant problem with this as my consciousness attempts to flip back and forth between where I'm traveling and where I've been. But last night, I got a little push and had one of the most beautiful experiences of my magical life.

I had always imagined that this place would be completely description less, but here I was having the most vivid experience of my magical life. Not only was I communing with my H.G. but I was one with my H.G. On my right side was the sky, a perfect clear silver-blue with a crescent moon, as real as if I were looking at it through my home telescope.( this represented my path through Gimel) On the other side was a mountain engulfed in clouds except for the peak which was jutting out- Mt. Abiegnus! I was in the middle between the two paths and the universe was a light-filled extension of me, and I was an extension of it. The beauty of it is what is description less, a state of total unity, freedom, and love. It was exactly what I needed.

Sometimes, its easy to forget that the sacrifices we make will lead to something, and that we do have the power to heal ourselves and others. But, the power to make changes is real.
I'd like to speak to each and everyone of you personally that is reading this blog and ask you.

Are you doing the Work that is leading you to true fulfillment? or are you doing the Work that is leading to self-fulfillment? Are you letting yourself have a real relationship with the Divine? If not, what is stopping you, what are you doing, and is it worth it? You deserve to have experiences like this everyday, and more! You are a child of the Divine. Don't let other people keep you from that, and don't keep yourself from it either. Use your magic to have a real relationship with the Divine and you will experience great blessings in your life.

Nosce Te Ipsum

Thursday, May 7, 2009

The Effects of Sin on Magic

As I have been studying ancient texts such as The Arbatel a common theme has laid itself as my doorstep; the idea of the effects of sin on magic. Plato says, "Magic is the art of worshipping God". If this is so then I believe we can deduce that acts of sin can greatly effect the power of our magic. Magic itself is meant to help one to rise above their impure, natural state to a higher, Divine state. Many know this intellectually, but I wonder from time to time how many people are "Sunday Magicians". To clarify, how many people go into the Temple, give praise to the "Lord of the Universe", ask to be made pure and holy when opening the Watchtowers, and then leave the Temple only to begin back-biting, tail-bearing, lying, cheating, manipulating, etc...This would be in my opinion our version of the "Sunday Christian". However, I would argue that this is even worse, as a magician is calling upon the forces of the Universe to witness to your intent!

Magic is a way of life. It is not a hobby, or something to do for fun, it is the desire to purify oneself, have holy communion with God, and to bring others to do the same through the newly found internal state that we have cultured. Magic is the act of worshipping God. Can you call yourself a true magician of the Light, if you do not bring your practice outside of your Temple? How then might one's "human" actions effect thier magical practice?

The Arbatel states...

" There is no greater hindrance (to magic) then a wavering mind, levity, unconstancy, foolish babbling, drunkenness, lusts, and disobedience to the Word of God. A magician therefore ought to be a man that is godly, honest, constant in his worlds and deeds, having a firm faith toward God, prudent, and covetous of nothing but Divine things."

This same statement is repeated over in over in many magical and alchemical texts. Alchemists even used to have a special room in their workshop where they would spend many hours a day praying to the Lord so that they may develop a pure enough consciousness to understand the mysteries of creation.

Sin is an anti-thesis to magic and its goals. As a man grows more purified then he becomes more powerful because he further reflects more of the true nature of God. He then acts as a vessel to bring His Will into the Universe...thus we act as an extension of Him...we become the Body of Christ. (I use the reference as I am a Rosicrucian). A man who thus sins brings himself further away from this Light, and closer back to the darkness whence he came as a Neophyte. But, I must mention a corollary to this; I believe there are different types of sin, and thus different effects.

First is the sin that we commit with full knowledge. This sin most definitely brings us further from the Light. Its effects can lead to listlessness, pride, depression, and anger...all which effect our ability to do real magic. It also lowers our vibrational level making it more difficult to experience the true Nature of the forces we invoke. Let us then take a few moments daily before our magical practice to recount our sins of the previous day, and ask for honest forgiveness, thus communing with the Lord in His/Her strength.

Second is the sin that is unknown. These are the functions of impurity that effect us because we have not reached a level of discernment to know that we are sinning. As magicians it is our intention to uncover this sin through internal alchemy and purification. It thus effects us by coming to the surface after initiations, prayers, and magical practice creating challenges in our lives to make itself known. In turn, we should analyze the situations that come up in our lives so that we may grasp onto this opportunity and use it to grow.

Third is intentional sin against God. This is the sin of a magician who is seeking to use magic to gratify himself and not serve The Lord of the Universe. This is in its whole the sin of pride, and if any power is gained through it, eventually punishes itself by its nature, as there is no real life or power in sin. Instead it fools itself, slowly eating away, until it self-destructs.

Magic belongs to all faiths, yet should be used for one purpose, to serve the Will of the Lord of the Universe, whether that be in healing oneself, others, or the world. Only then can we gain true power, happiness, success, and fulfillment.

Nosce Te Ipsum

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

The Day the GD Stood Still

When I started this blog I pledged to myself that I would not get into politics, if we want that there are pleeeeenty of other blogs, and websites, and forums that cover it. But, today I am practically pining for the fijords as I anxiously await the peace-talks to ensue...peace talk? you say?

It seems as if David Griffin of the HOGD is actually trying to make peace! I like many was warry when he mentioned that this was the new goal of the HOGD. But, recently he has made some bold moves to prove his willingness. Not only is he denouncing such blog trolls as "The Golden Dawn Insider" and "The Golden Dawn Observer", but he is taking down defamatory material, and is now willing to work with a mediator from the EOGD! However, I believe only time will tell. If Robert Zink and the other leaders of the Golden Dawn are going to believe him, I think its going to take a continued effort on the part of his Order to prove it. Unfortunatly, I am afraid that he may not be willing to if people don't automatically respond in a positive light, thus I hope that he will be the "bigger" man and continue to do as he says, even if others don't follow his requests up front. If they see he is serious, I believe this could mean great change.

But where is the GD community! I have never seen the boards so inactive! All I hear are the sweet chirps of crickets! Did everyone take a cyanide pill and go to sleep?

I have another bit of opinion to throw out there. One of the people on the Golden -Dawn Worldwide Forum, "Aima Elohim" ( who seems to be quite popular today) posted earlier that he/she was willing to be the mediator, he also made a point that I would like to promote here lest it get lost in the hopefully soon to come flood of posts on the forums.

Aima offered that anyone who is not a leader of the GD may contact him at thier personal account with thier opinions on how to end the flame war and promote harmony. What I like about this, is that the little people should also take some resposibilty to end this war. It is our Golden Dawn too! If you are against it say so, say it loud, and post it whenever possible. Put something on your blog, or website, or forum that says "End The Flame War!", write the leaders of these groups and tell them that you do not approve of this behavior. Boycott blogs and websites that promote it! Let those people out there who are not apart of the Golden Dawn community, but may be seeking it know that they do not speak for the majority of us. This is not how the community at large feels, and this is not what we support! If you feel the same way, then I invite you to sign the comment section at the end of this blog to show that you seek Golden Dawn harmony.

I promise my next blog will be of a more scholarly nature...I believe, it will be about the effects of sin on magic.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Grow A Pair...

Throughout my entire life I have always been searching for a deeper connection with the spirit. This had led me to be apart of a variety of groups throughout the years that have included a yoga ashram, a Golden Dawn Order, and a martial arts school. All were very different in thier teachings, but all the same in thier search for the spirit.

Besides seeing the similarity in results that were yielded as one began to study the deeper aspects of each, I also noticed another peculiar similarity in these groups. In every organization, the closer I got to the "inner circle", the more I would begin to hear stories about the leader taking advantage of people, using them for thier money, thier time, doing things to emotionally disturb them etc...this often left some people feeling disgruntled and hurt leading to them leave, whereas others thrived and became happier. Hmmmm, what was the difference? Were the others, including me just blinded by the 'cultish" powers of the leader? No, I don't believe so...I think now I have learned the truth.

My favorite book is The Ladder of Divine Ascent by John Climacus, a book that purifies the individual just by reading it. It is very powerful, an advanced book only I believe, to be read by ones who are studying the greater and more subtle mysteries, those who are really looking to extinguish the ego, learn true humilty in the Lord, and are accustomed or feel drawn to being purified by a slightly harsher path. I would not suggest this to an Outer Order member, and only to those who have a strong ability to discern between right and wrong.

In it there are many stories of monks who seek to purify themselves through various devices such as humiliation, scourging, extreme fasting, hard labor etc...the writer of this book does not suggest these techniques to the majority of people, even most monks who are reading this book. However, there are stories of a not so extreme nature, such as the monk who was told by the Abbot to stand behind him in silence for all of dinner to teach another humilation, or the Abbot who lied to two monks who had been getting very close and told them each that the other was disfaming them to the others; he did this so that they would remember not to be attached to lustful feelings but turn closer to the Lord.

These stories, brought something to light that had be rumanating in my mind for quite some time...if spiritual leaders were to behave like this in a world outside of a monastary, they would be called a cult leader. On the internet we have people bitching about a possible small rite of "bloodletting" in one of the Orders, yet today monks stand for over twenty four hours in vigil regularly on Mt. Athos. I would take the former over the latter when it comes to pain. Why is it o.k. for this to occur in a monastic environment, but not one in the outside world?

The Golden Dawn system, and many others are pure and true systems in thier own right. They are powerful systems of transformation that can take you to hightened levels of spirituality very quickly. They will get you into a deep connection with the Divine. But, you must interact with the system, not just stand there hoping it wafts some divine knowledge at you. This is the main difference bewteen the people who thrive and the people who don't, the ones who do are taking each situation and turning it into a growing experience, they are acting on the environment. They are making choices based on growth. The one's who don't are letting the environment react on them, letting it victimize them.

When we are in the Outer Order, we go to classes, we sit and absorb everything, maybe we even start to volunteer for a few things. Are we seeking our own knowledge? No, we are learning the rubricks of a system....usually during this phase there are very few problems with people feeling like they are belonging to a cult..of course not! you are having everything handed to you....The system is serving you!

Then, we move into the Inner Order or inner circle close to the Chief or Sifu. Now, it is your time to serve and to work. On top of that the majority of your training is placed within your hands. You must take the rubricks that you learned and begin to delve deeper into the mysteries...because your real education is between you and God. Usually, this is the point where problems occur. Most people have a hard time transitioning from being spoon-fed to having to walk on thier own two feet. In fact, many people resist this to the utmost of thier being crying things such "I work all day at the Temple"and you never give me any new material!"

O.k., (let's take the GD for example) what have you done with your current material? Have you worked with every single Senior, consecrated your tools more than one time each, scryed the Vault walls, done more than a few Shem workings?....I could go on. The initiate is trapped in an ego obsession that thier teachers, must continue to baby them...Non, mon frere! We want you to truly succeed. Pull up your boot straps, get in the Temple and start contacting your Higher Genius! The Greater Mysteries have to do with depth, not breadth. The people who are thriving in this environment are the one's who take it upon themselves to explore the nuances in the system going to thier mentors when they have questions, leading them to get new material.

This leads me to the second point. People who are usually having this problem also tend to have another problem...being a "Yes Man". They want to please the master, so that they can be in good standing, get special treatment, laud thier position over the others. They want this so much that they will do anything for the master. To them thier progress in the group is based on being in good standing with the leader, not on actually doing the work. So, you know what happens? They are asked to do and do and do...until they become so fed up with doing every little thing, they leave the group in a huff talking about how much of a cult leader that person is. You know what I say?

Grow some balls. Get your priorities right. Assess why you are really doing this work. If you are here to be lauded over, you are going to get hurt. If you are here to get special attention, it will be fleeting. If you are stretching yourself too thin, then learn to say no. If you feel as if you were asked to do something that went against your values, then refuse. If you don't its because your afraid (of confrontation, disapointment, being kicked out). Use the circumstances that are placed before you in your work to help you change, to make better decisions, to learn when to sacrifice and when to stand down. Use your work to get in touch with your Higher Genius so that you will know when the difference is.

The people who run these groups are human. They are apt to fall into sin from time to time. Does that mean that you should throw your path out the window? No, it means you should stick up for yourself, stay true to your vows, and if there is corruption be brave enough to face it and make a change. Have you evern thought that these difficult situations could be being placed in front of you so that you can grow? If, on the chance you do run into a situation where you feel you must disagree and you get kicked out, well, then you will know you really were apart of a cult, and you just did youself a favor.

Nosce Te Ipsum